Euro 2004 Preview - Group C

BULGARIA

Narkiness level : Have you ever seen Hristo Stoichkov? Martin Petrov is his spiritual heir, as he already looks like a police photofit and was sent off within eight minutes of his international debut.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Defensive midfielder Marian Hristov, no relation to Barnsley-baiting countryman Georgi, has had trouble settling at Kaiserslautern but has a good record at international level. Norwich, possibly.

Best player left at home : Radostan Kishishev lost out in a vote among squad members for the captaincy to Stilian Petrov. Kishishev promptly walked out, claiming the vote had been fixed by coach Plamen Markov. Level headed, then. Charlton dressing rooms with him and Paolo Di Canio must be a laugh. South a bit, Svetislav Todorov has not been risked after his long-term injury.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : With Kishishev out and Markov instilling a team discipline it's unlikely, but there's always Sofia divided loyalties to consider.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Man-Marvel Kop

And? : If you fancy an each-way bet on a dark horse, Bulgaria are a decent side to look at - young, up for it, the shadow of 1994 dissipating, finished ahead of Croatia and Belgium in qualifying. A poor record against the fellow group members is the principal question mark.

DENMARK

Narkiness level : Denmark? Narky?

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : So many Scandinavians have played in the Premiership that it's probably unlikely they'll be big money, never mind flopping, Jon Dahl Tomasson aside. Martin Jorgensen has been in form for Udinese and a word to a club from opposite winger Jesper Gronkjaer could tempt someone.

Best player left at home : Morten Wieghorst is out with a knee injury while Peter Lovenkrands has only been named provisionally. Stig Tofting could benefit from a couple of other injury concerns, having been in jail a year ago yet immediately returning to form when out.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Negligible. Given the squad could include an ex-con and a player recovered from testicular cancer (Ebbe Sand), arguments over training sides are comparatively like sand in the breeze.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : 'E's Lent Moron

And? : A lot of key players are out of form, injured or in Thomas Gravesen's case initially suspended, and for every "but 1992!", remember that four years ago their record was P 3 L 3 F 0 A 8. Still, they'll be entertaining and anything is possible.

ITALY

Narkiness level : Usually assured, but watch for when big decisions go against them. Eh, South Korea?

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : As usual, the whole squad play in Serie A, although this won't be for the want of Chelsea's trying. Watch for horrific puns about Totti in late July.

Best player left at home : Good old Filippo Inzaghi, for one. Various fringe contenders who'd walk into most other squads - Massimo Ambrosini, Daniele Adani, Alessio Tacchinardi - are also staying behind, or not in the case of Alberto Gilardino, who scored 23 goals this season including four in his last game but has been packed off the the European Under-21 Championships.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : There's always room for it, usually when the media start a campaign, club rivalries are brought up or someone kicks off at their coach and/or team-mates. Ooh, is that Christian Vieri's name we see in that squad list?

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Innovating A Patriot

And? : Genuine candidates for the Henri Delaunay, Italy will want to make up for the disappointment of 2002 and have an experienced, exciting set of players. Questions arise over defensive cover, unity, form of key players and whether Trapattoni can decide on one set of tactics at once.

SWEDEN

Narkiness level : Not great.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Again, flop maybe, big money rarely. Presumably Henrik Larsson won't move south now.

Best player left at home : Larsson's surprise reappearance after announcing his international retirement, spurred on by an 80,000-signature petition, has meant bad luck for the prolific, not to mention fantastically named, Niklas Skoog, popular Johan Elmander and promising Stefan Selakovic. Michael Svensson, Johan Mjallby and Marcus Allback are all serious injury doubts.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Larsson's return has been greeted better than you might have expected (apart from with Skoog, Elmander and Selakovic, anyway), and have you seen the men the players would have to answer to?

Vaguely amusing anagram of coaches' names (yes, there's two of them) : A Slack Garbler, Bored Stormy Gem

And? : A disciplined, organised, hard to beat unit. Boring, then. Come on, Sweden, what happened to you? English eyes may be disappointed as Frederik Ljungberg has never really transferred his club form onto the international stage, and unless Larsson makes an immediate impact it could be an early journey home.

Euro 2004 Preview - Group B

CROATIA

Narkiness level : It remains to be seen whether the younger players can replicate the internal fires of the old guard.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : One's always likely to pitch up at a lower division side, much like Ivica Mornar's lesser spotted appearances for Portsmouth.

Best player left at home : Mostly those long retired - you can measure the shadow cast by Boksic, Stimac, Boban, Suker, Stanic, Prosinecki, Jarni etc. with a measuring tape.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Low. External squabbling, high.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Cob Or A Tit

And? : The golden years have gone and this is a side in transition, as they say, and struggling to impress. Don't have great hopes for them in this company.

ENGLAND

Narkiness level : Depends on how many Man Utd and Arsenal players start.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Insert own joke here.

Best player left at home : For the want of a big flip chart in Man Utd's training ground complex or something similar England have lost the services of their best defender from Japan/Korea. Jonathan Woodgate and Gareth Southgate also leave the defence a touch short.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Unless the FA find a disrepute charge or drug test sheet down the back of the filing cabinet, unlikely now.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Koreans Govern Sins

And? : Ironically for the one year when everybody's not going blase into it expecting to win, England probably have their best chance in a while of picking up silverware. Gerrard's back after missing the World Cup, the young players are maturing nicely, but could the traditional end of season tiredness work against them again?

FRANCE

Narkiness level : Thierry Henry has a world-class Gallic shrug, which he seems not to have noticed the extreme irony in.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Most of them have already played in the Premiership with success, although is that £12m Steve Marlet we see sneaking in between Henry and Saha?

Best player left at home : Such is the competition that Bundesliga championship medal winner Johan Micoud and Peguy Luyindula and Sydney Govou from Lyon's domestically conquering side can stay at home.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Unlikely, unless squad firebrand Willy Sagnol starts up.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : I Can Quit, S Jenas

And? : 14 wins in a row recently equalled the world record and the will to win may well be increased by the belief that this will be the side's final tournament together, Barthez, Lizarazu and Desailly set to leave the international stage afterwards. Weak points? Questions have arisen around the defence and the coach is untested under heavy pressure.

SWITZERLAND

Narkiness level : Untested.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Hakan Yakin was always being linked with Premiership clubs back in the day but seems settled at Stuttgart now. Rennes' Alexander Frei has been on form recently, the like of which usually sees someone like Fulham put in a bid.

Best player left at home : Injuries may foreshorten the 26-man preliminary squad to be cut down to 23 on June 2nd. It's already down by one after striker Marco Streller suffered a suspected broken leg in training.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Morale dipping after excellent qualification could have such ramifications.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Ink Hub KO

And? : The side were beaten by an understrength Morocco in February and are littered with players coming in off the back of off-form seasons and injuries. Decent enough on paper, but finishing third in the group could be regarded as success.

Euro 2004 Preview - Group A

Welcome, then, to IUFGN's Euro 2004 blog. As we go along we'll be complementing our traditional wry commentary on news links - pray silence for the first pointless story about sex rules for the tournament - we'll be taking the comedy sickle to the coverage of the tournament, and to start with we've decided to go exactly the same route as every other Euro 2004 preview special and take an Ivan Gaskell-style closer look at the sixteen teams doing light battle, albeit in a way you can understand. Thus:

GREECE

Narkiness level : Middling, liable to edge upwards.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Striker Zissis Vryzas, who's just helped Fiorentina back into Serie A, is occasionally linked with a middling club, they perhaps put off by a petition from commentators.

Best player left at home : Christos Patsatzolglou, a more than likely starter out injured for more than a year.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Almost guaranteed. Demis Nikolaidis, a striker currently at Atletico Madrid, helmed an attempted takeover plan for AEK Athens, whose players turned it down last week. The next day a large group of fans turned up at the training ground and proceeded to decimate it and attack players. Playmaker Vassilis Tsiartas, one of five AEK players in the team, accused Nikolaidis of condoning this, saying "I am really sorry that we will be together on the team for all this time".

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Loathe To G Her (more of an unsuccessful hip-hop track title)

And? : They have belief, but an ageing side gives them little real chance even before the internal warfare.

PORTUGAL

Narkiness level : Always unstable, their protestations after losing the 2000 semi-final to Abel Xavier's handball should have earned them a medal from UEFA or something.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : They've already got a big one in Helder Postiga, who was Porto's top scorer last season. Now they're in the Champions League final without him, which certainly demonstrates something. Deco has talked about following Mourinho to Stamford Bridge, which may be ensuring shortened nights round at Scott Parker's.

Best player left at home : One-time Best Keeper In Europe contender Vitor Baia has been out of Luiz Felipe Scolari's good books for some time over perceived indiscipline. Luis Boa Morte was considered a Scolari favourite until last week, while squad regular Hugo Viana also misses out.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Scolari has a reputation for preferring workers to creatives, which makes you wonder why he took the Portugal job.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Follicular Size Pie

And? : The great future contenders of European football, the last chance for the Golden Generation - flair should see them into the later stages of the knockout section, determination and the level of home backing will be crucial in whether that run continues.

RUSSIA

Narkiness : Not great.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Smertin and Champions League final scorer Alenichev aside, Russians don't travel well - their all-time leading scorer Vladimir Beschastnykh fell completely out of favour after a spell in Spain so disastrous no top flight club wanted him when he moved back home.

Best player left at home : Georgi Yartsev has a number of injury worries and is delaying naming his final squad until the last possible day. Drugged-up playmaker Yegor Titov is definitely out, while veteran midfielder Valeri Karpin recently retired from international football.

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Not a great issue since the days of perceived CSKA/Lokomotiv squad cliques.

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : Age Strive Gory

And? : With a questionable defence and misfiring strikers it took a minor miracle for Russia to get to the play-offs. Any further than the group stage here would be beyond the dreams of avarice.

SPAIN

Narkiness : Always liable to go off on one at a moment's notice.

Player most likely to be big money Premiership flop : Rumour is that Manchester United are targeting Valencia winger Vicente, and we know what their form has been like with recent foreign signings. Raul Bravo nearly beat him to this mantle.

Best player left at home : Valencia's Mista played a big part in helping his side to the UEFA Cup and was the third highest scorer in La Liga, higher than any other Spaniard, so of course he was never in contention. No Reyes either - well, he's not a player for now, he's one for the future of Arsenal, isn't he?

Likelihood of internal squabbling : Most likely when they hear the first journalist ask "could this, at last, be your year?"

Vaguely amusing anagram of coach's name : I Iz A Snake

And? : It must work out for them eventually but precedent doesn't out work well in their favour, and the reliance on Raul as sole striker could backfire badly given his non-out and out striker status and appalling domestic season.