Interactive TV Review - Sunday 20th June - Greece v Russia

(courtesy Adam Keyte)

After five fascinating pre-match minutes listening to Steve Wilson read the Greek team sheet to himself and talk to his director, the Anthems begin and we're underway. "And here's an opportunity, and Russia lead! Inside the first 70 seconds of the game! And it's Gusev with the goal! It's the fastest ever scored in European Championship finals football! And Greece - looking to reach the quarter-finals by avoiding defeat - are behind already!" And Steve needs to stop using a conjunction at the start of his sentences! "And a free header! And another goal! Bulykin! And the Russians lead by two! And Greece are crumbling here on their big night!" Aaargh! Someone buy that man a Good Grammar Guide! "The way it's looking at the moment, Greece are playing to lose the game" says the previously-unnoteworthy Mark Bright, inciting Russian Mafiosos everywhere. "And a great chance - oh, and he's missed it." Kariaka misses a fairly easy chance to make it 3-0, whilst the Greeks go down the other end and Charisteas misses an even easier one. Let's hope Clive Tyldesley isn't here doing the ITV commentary, as the stadium is "full of English flags from every town and shire" again. "And the Russians smell blood here - Bulykin... It's another free header! You cannot believe it!" It grazes off the outside of the post, incidentally. "If Portugal take the lead against Spain, Greece won't be in the next stage." What, so the other game is first goal wins, is it Steve? "And Gusev has won it! Shouldn't have done, but he has!" Shame he does a feeble attempted cross after collecting a long ball so well, really. "Every single thing that could go wrong for Greece is going wrong," says Steve, sweepingly, 10 minutes before half-time. If that were true, surely they'd need to have one of their defenders take a football in the unmentionables, perhaps in a comedy free-kick-comes-back-off-the-crossbar-after-he'd-turned-the-other-way-whilst -stood-in-the-wall style like that old Carling Black Label advert? No? Just me then. "Vryzas! Excellent goal, and exactly what Greece needed!" "He's played onside by...someone in the middle," observes Mark. The ball flies up into the air after a crunching tackle just before half-time. "Don't think in the Algarve it would have come down with snow on it, but it was high!" jokes Steve.

"The matches must start their second halves simultaneously," explains Steve, as the second half kicks-off a good twenty seconds before Spain and Portugal. "Vryzas... Tsiartas... Vryzas... Tsiartas... almost squeezes it through to Vryzas!" Perhaps the most repetitive piece of commentary since Barry Davies sang Dolly Parton at the Sweden v England game in Euro '92 ("Brolin... Brolin... Dahlin... roliiiiiiiin!") "Nuno Gomes has scored for Portugal, they lead Spain by a goal to nil!" "Good news travels fast, doesn't it?" notes Mark. "There was a roar inside the stadium by the Portuguese contingent!" Was there? Someone needs to fix the effects microphones then, because it's been a really flat atmosphere throughout on TV.
Mark is amused by the on-screen caption after Alenichev is booked, informing us he will miss the next game. "Which won't be in this tournament..." agrees Steve. "It'll be a World Cup qualifier, I presume!" deduces Mark. "Never really tore up too many trees at Burnley, but he's had a good season at Panathinaikos," is Steve's considered opinion on the departing Papadopoulos as Nikolaidis comes on for the last 20 minutes. "I've just got the feeling they're looking for another goal, Russia." Really, Mark? "Any interpretation of the offside rule, tweak it how you like - he was offside!" Steve relishes in calling a NIoO-proof decision as Nikolaidis tries to collect the ball whilst standing about half a mile beyond the last Russian defender. About five minutes later, the same player leaves our
commentary team incredulous by beating the offside trap perfectly and
leaving the Russian defence for dead, but luckily for them the keeper comes out to save. "A Russian goal would knock Greece out; a Spanish goal would knock Portugal out." Steve savours the possibilities with ten minutes left. "Corner's much too deep," comments Steve as Tsiartas kicks the set-piece all the way across the pitch and out for a Russian throw-in. "It [chuckles] wasn't even close, was it?" sniggers Mark.
"I've just got the feeling Russia are hanging on a little bit too much for this 2-1 lead." Steve contradicts Mark's earlier feeling.
"What a cross, what a chance - oh, I say! That would have put Greece out!" Kirichenko miskicks a great sliding ball across goal with a couple of minutes to go. "My money is still in my pocket!" declares Steve on 89:15. Not a gambler, then? "And Greece are into the quarter-finals of the European Championship! It is their finest hour! And they have done it by a hair's breadth!"