I know that was then, but it could be again

Time to look at this tournament's cash-in singles, then, and a marked decrease from last year is in evidence, perhaps related to the decline in popularity of both the England band and The Great Escape.

Most notable is the official song, the Farm getting Spoony in to, as far as we can tell, listen to All Together Now and chuck in an overdubbed choir, 'ing-er-land' shout and some commentary. Well, it is an England song. We've been dubious about this choice since we first heard of it, not least because, no matter how often Peter Hooton reassures us that it's about hope and love between fellow man overcoming all, it's still about World War I and contains the lyrics "the same old story again/All those tears shed in vain/Nothing learnt and nothing gained." The "let's go home" outro has, however, wisely been chopped out.

It was an ungrounded fear of Blazin' Squad doing the official song - was this actually ever likely? - that forced XFM's Christian O'Connell into action to produce Born In England by Twisted X. As befits our most corporate indie station it's so wantonly chirpy that it would have been laughed out of Britpop, and definitely melodically resembles an Oasis song we can't immediately place as well - anyone? Not that it help its cause by starting "Stand up all you scousers for Michael and Wayne/Mancs for Scolesey, Cockneys for Beckham and James". Also, vocalists include not only James Nesbitt, who as everybody has pointed out wasn't Born In England at all, but also Greg Gilbert of the Delays, a man who at top range sounds like Liz Fraser out of the Cocteau Twins. Someone with that voice singing any of a rabble-rousing football anthem and getting away with it? No, this is a case of shouting 'look who's in here!' before thinking of how to write a song that'll catch on. And by the way, three blokes shouting does not automatically make a terrace anthem.

Come On Eileen has caught on everywhere, of course, through wedding discos and memories of the gypsy look. Now some chancers called 4-4-2 have, as we revealed on the blog back last July, rewritten it to become Come On England. With that idea and the power of Chris Moyles, the Sun's Victoria Newton and TalkSport, some of whose number have even overdubbed it with a choral chant (Alan Parry Sings!) and then claimed to have been behind the whole thing to the extent they made a video without the band's knowledge, it can't fail to be a) the biggest charting single of the three, b) given a video starring page 3 girls and c) shite. And it delivers the goods! We were physically sick when we saw the blurb reading "forget dream teams and stars that can't be bothered. Listen to an honest record made by people that do it for love, not money - the fans", and that was before hearing the worst Kevin Rowland impression ever, the overchirpy backing singers, random Alan Parry commentary dubs and a banjo sound straight out of a 1988 Casio. They've even got the phrasing of the famous building up coda wrong. "Bend it - like Beckham! Strike it - like Owen!" No.

What else? The official tournament song is by Nelly Furtado and need not concern us; the 2002 compilation Jumpers 4 Goalposts has been reissued with an extra disc including the Carling ad music and that classic terrace anthem Blitzkrieg Bop by the Ramones; there's a compilation called Come On England by the same label putting out the same titled single which inexplicably features Roll With It and Feeder's Just the Way I’m Feeling, as well as a *new* Bell & Spurling effort, but also Papa's Got A Brand New Pigbag; and another compilation called Vive O 2004 has such a surreal tracklisting you wouldn't believe us if we couldn't prove it.